As someone who has spent the last ~20 years at Little League fields on an almost daily basis, I know what an incredibly rewarding and fun experience youth baseball can be. Sadly, I also know that some adults rob kids of their joy on the field far too often and lately, I've been hearing some first hand experiences that have been really disheartening.
Multiple times in the past few weeks I've had parents tell me that the only time their son has fun around baseball is during a lesson with me or at one of my camps. While I of course always love hearing how much ballplayers love Spring Training, it also makes me sad that players aren't having fun EVERY time they step on the field, no matter where they are.
We know baseball; some days are better than others. On Wednesday, our son goes go 3-4 with the game winning hit and on Saturday he goes 0-4 with 3 strikeouts. That's the game. But the bummer 0-4 day is not the type of "I didn't have fun today" I'm talking about because even when a kid has a bad game, he can still "like baseball" at the end of the day.
My concern is when I kid ballplayer starts saying he doesn't like baseball in the big picture, and sadly that feeling is almost always the result of an adult taking the fun out of the game for him.
What adult behavior causes kids to stop liking baseball?
- Screaming at them when they make a mistake.
- Insulting them.
- Punishing them for making mistakes or not winning.
- Only caring about winning.
- Focusing on the negatives rather than the positives.
So, what does this list have to do with the title of this blog?
Well, in it lies the secret to get your son to quit playing video games (or anything, really).
Next time he picks up a controller, sit right next to him, and then every time he makes a mistake yell, "What the hell are you doing?!?!?"
Every time he starts moving somewhere in the game, incessantly say, "No! No! No! Don't go that way! Come on! Use your head!" And then slam your hat on the ground in disgust.
Every time he loses a round say, "Well of course you lost, you made like 15 bonehead moves. Were you even trying to win?!?!"
Then talk about his poor performance at the dinner table that night, replaying all the mistakes he made.
How long do you think he'd sit there playing with you right next to him behaving that way?
I'm guessing for only a few minutes.
How excited do you think he'll be to pick up the controller again if he knew you were going to sit down next to him and behave like that?
Mission accomplished - no more video games!
Now, substitute "baseball" for "video games" in the above scenario and ask yourself how long your son (or the players on your team if you're the coach) would want to keep playing in that environment.
Here's a little more perspective for you: how your son does playing a video game is equally as unimportant as how your son does in a Little League game. It literally doesn't matter.
Playing the game with integrity matters. Respecting the umpire matters. Playing with maximum effort matters. Being a great teammate matters. Learning how to win and lose with class matters.
But the result of any one game? Completely meaningless.
Their stat line on Saturday? Completely meaningless.
That they threw to the wrong base? Completely meaningless.
If they learn about effort, attitude, and respect. THAT MATTERS.
If they felt supported and loved before, during, and after the game. THAT MATTERS.
If they walked off the field looking forward to their next game or practice. THAT MATTERS.
The quality of the experience they had on the field. THAT MATTERS.
Imagine getting upset if your son lost at Monopoly. Imagine getting visibly frustrated if your son made a bad play in Crazy Eights.
Doesn't make much sense, does it? But for some reason, when it comes to youth sports these days, many adults are far too emotional about the results on the field and not focused enough on the quality of the experience the kids are having.
The back of my Spring Training Summer Camp tee shirts say "Play Hard, Have Fun" for a reason. I spent a lot of time thinking about how to succinctly remind players what their goal should be every time they step foot on a field. Those simple 4 words are everything.
As parents and coaches, let's make sure we do everything we can to encourage our kids to give their best effort while not losing sight of the fact that the #1 reason kids play sports is to HAVE FUN.
This is why, sadly, the #1 reason why kids are quitting youth sports in droves is because "it's not fun."
And 99 times out of 100 when a kid isn't having fun playing a sport, it's because adults sucked the joy out of the game for them.
Here's the good news: there's still half the season left and we all have the ability to refocus our energy and adjust our attitudes!
If you're a parent or a coach with some of the behavior traits that I described above, it's never too late to make a conscious decision to be more positive and more supportive of the young athletes in your life. You have total and complete control over how you conduct yourself at the field!
You don't have to react to mistakes with anger or frustration - you can choose to turn those situations into positive learning experiences.
You don't have to frame success entirely by what's on the scoreboard - you can choose to find "wins" in effort, attitude, hustle, and progress.
You don't have to make winning the only goal - you can choose to make the experience of every player your #1 priority.
And here's the coolest part: teams with players who are having fun, playing with joy, hustling, and being supported by the adults around them almost always play better and win more often than teams with adults who are overly emotional, put too much pressure on the players, and yell and scream after mistakes.
For the all the positive coaches and parents reading this...keep doing what you're doing! Whether you're in the dugout or in the stands, your positive attitude is absolutely contributing to the kids in your youth sports orbit having a great experience this season so great job, and keep it up!
Play Hard, HAVE FUN!