I got really really sick the other day (not Covid!) and struggled to walk across the room for a solid 24 hours.

My wife took our son to school and then had to go straight to work so when our 5 year old daughter woke up, I was the only one home and under the covers, basically unable to move.

I told her, "Sweetie, I'm sick. You're going to have to get yourself ready for school. And she, "Ok, Daddy, hope you feel better."

She then got a bowl, found the cereal, pulled the milk out of the fridge, and made herself breakfast.

Then she fed the dogs.

Then went back downstairs to get dressed on her own.

And then she got her sheets for her Pre-K naptime out of the dryer, packed her bag, got her shoes on, and said, "Ok, Daddy, I'm ready to go to school."

She's always been capable of doing all these things on her own, and sometimes does them without us asking, but with Mommy and Daddy around to help, we usually hear, "I need more milk!" or "Can you come downstairs while I get dressed so I'm not alone?" or "I can't find my shoes, HELP ME!" I'm sure you hear all of those things on a daily basis too.

And while as parents we try hard to teach her to be independent and to complete the tasks she's capable of doing on her own, sometimes when we're running late or she's throwing a tantrum because her socks feel weird (whatever that means😁), we just do those things for her. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. After all, she's 5, and it's not like we're asking her to drive herself to school or do our taxes!

But when I came out of my 24 hour stomach flu-induced brain fog, I was struck how quickly and easily she rose to the occasion and did everything she needed to get ready for school, without any help, once she realized that there was no help available!

So what can we learn from this little episode that will make us better coaches and baseball parents?

GIVE YOUR CHILD SPACE TO SUCCEED (AND FAIL)!

Obviously, I can't take any credit for her actions being the result of some premediated masterplan of a terrific parent (I, like you, am trying to figure it all out day-by-day and of course make tons of parenting mistakes) but by being completely unavailable to help her, she just did what needed to be done!

On the baseball field, and I've written about this concept in a past blog called "The Silent Inning," sometimes we're not even sure what our ballplayers are capable of on their own until we just remove ourselves entirely from the situation.

"The Silent Inning" is an exercise where for one full inning, the coaches say nothing. Not a word. Players have to set up their own cut-offs, communicate about where the play is, get each other's backs after an error, figure out why they swung and missed, etc...100% on their own.

I do a version of The Silent Inning in lessons where, once I believe my student has a solid grasp of what I'm trying to teach them, I'll have them throw 10 pitches or take 10 swings without me saying a word in between reps. I won't say "Great swing, but keep you feet still," and I won't say, "Nice balance, let's make sure to step straight." Nothing.

I'll just let them do their thing 100% on their own so if something goes wrong (they pull their head when hitting or drop their elbow with throwing, for example) THEY have to be the ones to try to identify the problem, come up with the solution, and then make the correct adjustment.

(Now let me stop here and clarify that this will not work for players who haven't been taught the correct mechanics AND THEN have also had lots of practice doing them. If you ask a beginner 7 year old why he swung and missed, he'll have no idea - that's what coaches are for. But once they've had enough exposure to good information and have practiced enough to have had the opportunity to truly understand what's happening during a swing or during a pitch, then this drill can be incredibly effective.)

When one of my students swings and misses, I know immediately what went wrong. But if I "fix" the problem every time, how can I be sure they're actually retaining the information I'm teaching them? And more importantly, how can I be sure they have the ability to make necessary adjustments when I'm not watching every swing? I can't. So, while it's difficult for me to know how to help and not say something, giving them space at times is essential to their development.

In a team setting, how do we as coaches really know that our players know the situation if as soon as the ball is hit, we start yelling out where the play is? Or how to set up the cut? Or where to go to back-up?

(Again, I think it's absolutely essential we help players at the Minor level and below because most of them will need help with the decision making process during every play. But by Intermediates and certainly Majors, most players should know where to go and what to do most of the time.)

I believe it's absolutely essential for the player's and team's development to be given space to sink or swim.

And guess what, they just might surprise you and succeed at something you thought they still needed help with...all by themselves!

And if they fail, then that's actually a win because now they know (and we know as coaches) what areas of the game they still need help learning.

But we'll never know what they're capable of (or what they need to continue working on) until we give them that space. Give it try!

PLAY HARD, HAVE FUN!