We just started remodeling two of the rooms in our house (our first big home improvement project ever - good luck, us!) and it got me thinking about youth sports.

What in the world does a relatively small-scale remodel have to do with kids and sports?  Let me explain.

Our house is really old - built in the 60s, I think - so while I of course wasn't around for the original construction I do know, like all houses, it took a long time to build.

I'm sure a lot of skilled workers put months and months (or more) of effort and care into building it.

Our project officially started on Monday of last week and guess how long it took to demolish the entire bathroom and part of the bedroom - knocking down walls, ripping out the shower, pulling up the floor, stripping the lights out of the ceiling, etc?

A day and a half.  Like 8 total hours.  

That's it.

Months and months to build.  Then stood for 60 years. A few hours to tear it all down.

It got me thinking that this project here at the house is a really good metaphor for what can go wrong in youth sports if we're not careful.

A kid can learn to love a sport over the course of many years with lots of "Builders" helping him along the way, only to have one bad experience very quickly and very severely "Sledgehammer" his passion...steal his joy.

And it might take a long time to rebuild that love, if it ever gets rebuilt at all, so as parents and coaches, we've got to be really careful.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard of a kid permanently quitting a sport because of a single really bad experience or season. 

And parents, I'm sorry to report that 99.9% of the time this Sledgehammer experience is a result of the way an adult behaved.

Sure, bullies exist and it's possible for a kid to quit a sport because he felt like he was getting picked on by one of his teammates, but almost always the person taking a metaphorical sledgehammer to a child's love of the game was an adult.

It takes years and years and lots of effort from lots of people to help nurture and develop a kid's love for sports...

And it can take a very, very short amount of time to destroy it.

Here's the good news for parents and coaches; it's REALLY easy to avoid being that sledgehammer. Here are some helpful tips.

1. Don't scream at kids while they're playing sports. Ever.

I can't believe I even have to type that and call it "advice" but sadly, I do. Don't ever yell at a young athlete. Period. End of story. Just don't. There's no win in yelling. A young athlete isn't going to respond positively when he's addressed that way and screaming doesn't make you a better coach or parent. In fact the opposite; when you yell at young athletes 2 things are guaranteed to happen. 1) the player will immediately stop having fun and 2) you'll immediately embarrass yourself.

"But I've told him a thousand times to be the back-up on that play!" Ok, fine. Even if that's the case, be an adult and control your emotions. Lead by example. Teach your players to control their emotions in heat of the moment.

2. Don't yell at umpires.

Umpires are getting paid peanuts to show up in full protective gear so our kids get to play a game. Are they MLB umps? No. Are they even High School umps? Not usually. Are they trying to get a call wrong? Come on. Are they really out to "get" your team? Give me a break.

Have you ever been at store or restaurant when an unhappy customer is really screaming at an employee? It's uncomfortable to be around, isn't it? You think young kids want to be anywhere near adults screaming at each other? No way. Be a leader; control your emotions and treat everyone at the ballpark with respect.

3. Be Positive.

This doesn't mean lie to your athletes by telling them they're doing a great job when they're not, but it does mean that you should try to frame every situation in a positive light that will lead to personal growth and improvement.

For example, if one of the players on your team swings at a pitch over his head for Strike 3, instead of slamming your hat down in the stands in anger or throwing your hands in the air incredulously from the 3rd base coach's box while turning your back on the field and walking towards the foul pole in disgust, say to the player "I love how you're being aggressive and trying to get a hit by swinging the bat - next time, let's look for a pitch below your hands that you have a better chance of hitting hard."

By using this positive teaching strategy the ballplayer will know you've got his back and will feel supported while also allowing you to deliver information that will help them in their next at-bat. How does throwing your hat or kicking the fence help the player or the team in any way?

I'm 100% certain that when a player strikes out or makes an error, they already feels pretty bad about it. After all, no hitter has ever walked up to the plate planning on swinging at bad pitches. No Shortstop has ever tried to let the ball go between his legs. There's no upside for anyone on the field when an adult chooses to pile on an already dejected kid by making their own disappointment or frustration known.

If you're curious how it might feel to be in their shoes, imagine if I came to your next game and screamed negative comments about every mistake you made. Every time you threw bad pitches to your batter in a Minor game...there I was to make you feel worse about it. Every time you sent a runner home on a base hit and he got thrown out at the plate by 20 feet...there I was to make sure the whole field knew you screwed up. Every time you called an off-speed pitch in an obvious fastball count and the batter ripped a double...there I was to embarrass you by letting everyone know about your lack of baseball knowledge. Every time you screamed hitting advice from the stands that was 100% wrong...there I was to tell you how badly you're messing up your son's chances of getting a hit. Doesn't sound too enjoyable does it?

Now let's say I yelled at you for every mistake you made for the entire season and then promised to do it again next season too. Do you think you'd volunteer to coach again? I doubt it. Do you think you'd be excited to sit in the stands as a spectator? No chance. I don't blame any players who go through a similar experience and then choose not to play again. I just feel sad that an adult ruined that sport for them.

4. Maintain Perspective

This sign says it all:

I know it's soccer and football season right now. Basketball season is coming up. Families in my Fall Ball program received several emails from me prior to our season starting about my expectations of the adults in the stands at games. And guess how our first games went yesterday? They were amazing! The kids had a blast simply playing baseball without worrying about making mistakes or getting yelled at and the parents got to just chill out and watch their kids do something they love. Not only is this type of youth sport environment more fun for everyone, but it's healthier for everyone. No drama, no stress, no anxiety. Just a bunch of families hanging out at the baseball field enjoying the incredible baseball community we have.

Achieving this is truly a group effort; parents, coaches, and players all need to be on the same page. And when they are, going to a youth sporting event is a truly magical experience for everyone.

So, let's all commit being a "builder" when it comes to youth sports and not a "sledgehammer."

PLAY HARD, HAVE FUN!