My wife and I went to another wedding on Saturday, this time to celebrate one of the girls who played on her lacrosse team at PV High several years ago.
It was a beautiful ceremony and a really fun party, and it was great to see Marissa (my wife) reconnect with several of the girls that she used to coach who were also guests of the bride.
Weddings are always fun, and this one was also an opportunity for Marissa to catch up with a lot of people she hadn't seen in years. While most of the conversations were general catch-ups (how old are Maddux and Sloane now, how has lacrosse changed in recent years, and so on), one of the conversations Marissa had with a former player was much deeper and quite profound.
This particular girl (I should say "woman" because all of her of her former players are in their late 20s and 30s now) played for 4 years on Marissa's team but never played a single game past High School.
She's now a lawyer working on child advocacy and immigration cases doing, as her parents put it, "really, really tough work."
It's not just that she works long hours, but that the actual work is extremely challenging and often emotionally draining because of frequent rulings that result in children being removed from their homes, families being separated, or worse...
After spending a few minutes describing what her day-to-day was like in this line of work, she said something that perfectly exemplified the power of sports; something often completely overlooked as we all obsess over what our team's record is, how much playing time our kid is getting, and what their batting average is.
She said to Marissa, “Coach, playing lacrosse had such an impact on my life. I was prepared for all the challenges of my job because of what I learned about my own ability to ‘do hard things’ and to ‘turn the page and keep going;" all things I learned from being on your lacrosse team.”
Wow.
Gym sessions after a long day of school. Hard.
Emptying the tank in the 4th quarter of a close game. Hard.
Setting individual and team goals, initially failing, but never giving up. Hard.
Giving everything you've got in a game, only to lose on the scoreboard, and then have the resiliency to bounce back for the next game. Hard.
THAT is the true value of playing sports. Having the opportunity to learn all those absolutely essential character traits and crucial life skills in an environment where the outcome really doesn't matter is such a blessing. Whatever the team's record was or how many goals she scored had absolutely ZERO effect on her future, but the things she learned about herself while playing absolutely did.
THAT is the gift of amateur sports participation and why it's so important that our kids are playing in organizations and on teams and with leaders who care more about achieving those outcomes than they care about what the scoreboard says in a baseball, soccer, or basketball game.
Learning how to respond to the challenges and disappointment in sports prepared her for the real world.
Learning how to challenge herself and never quit in the gym prepared her for the real world.
Learning how to be accountable to her teammates, and hold them accountable, prepared her for the real world.
These are all skills that I believe are best learned, with the least amount of risk, on the athletic field.
Of the thousands of girls my wife has coached in lacrosse, 100% of them have "gone pro" in something other than lacrosse.
The same will be true for your kids, and mine.
So as we approach another Little League season, let's embrace the challenges our kids will face in 2025 rather than try to remove any obstacles in front of them.
Let's teach them how to turn disappointment into fuel to work harder, rather than blame a coach, teammate, or ump.
Let's make sure we're giving them the tools that they will without a doubt need when they reach adulthood.
Sadly, we live in a time when more and more often adversity is seen not as an opportunity for growth and learning but as an obstacle to be avoided at all costs.
The era of helicopter parenting has evolved into the era of bulldozer parenting.
And as a parent, I get it. It's not fun to watch your child struggle or be disappointed or fail. And our natural desire to protect them kicks in.
But it's learning how to respond to exactly those challenges NOW when they're kids and it "doesn't matter", that will give them the tools to deal with real challenges as adults when it "does matter." Those types of stresses and challenges are NECESSARY for growth and development. Without some struggle there is no learning!
I only know one thing for sure about our children’s future, and this fact is even more poignant today as we all witness the unconscionable amount of destruction from the fires: life is unpredictable and being an adult is hard.
So let's help them prepare for that certainty NOW, by "embracing the hard" instead of trying to avoid it.
By doing so, they'll become tougher athletes right now, but more importantly they'll become more resilient, better prepared adults down the road.
PLAY HARD, HAVE FUN!