I hope everyone in competitive divisions has had a great season and that your ballplayer is fired up for Playoffs starting this week.

With every post-season game feeling more "important" than regular season games, I think it's a good time to talk about what we can and should do as parents to make sure that our players continue to have fun while also preparing them to play their best.

During the playoffs, the natural instinct for players is for them to get more fired up for games...this is great! We want our players excited and ready to play hard!

Parents also get more fired up and this can present some problems if our actions start to put too much pressure on the kids, so let's discuss some strategies to help put our players in the best mindset for success.

First, let's always remember that the players on the field are just kids playing a game...even if it's the playoffs. They aren't playing in the World Series and nobody life's is going to change based on how they or their team does in the post-season. They are going to make errors, just like they did during the regular season. They are going to swing at bad pitches, just like they did during the regular season. They're going to throw it to the wrong base, just like they did during the regular season. Let's not put any unrealistic expectations on them just because it's the post-season. Maintain perspective!

Next, if we as parents start talking about the playoffs at the dinner table or on the ride to the field with more intensity than we would a regular season game, then our players will most likely start to feel more pressure. They know it's the playoffs, they want to win, and they might already be nervous about it. If we make the next few games seem like a bigger deal, then they will start to feel like the games are a bigger deal than they actually are and they will put unnecessary (and unhealthy) pressure on themselves.

The athletes who perform the best in the playoffs aren't the ones who "kick it up a notch;" quite the opposite is true. They are the athletes who are able to play like they always play despite the added pressure, not because of it. A "clutch" player is simply one who does what he's always been capable of but is able to stay calm in the big moment and not treat it any differently than every other game.

Then, once we're at the field and actually in the stands, let's not cheer with any more intensity than usual and let's not yell at the ump because now it "matters." If we treat the playoffs like just another game, then our players will too, and they'll feel relaxed and confident rather than nervous and scared. That will give them a huge advantage over any team who is feeling tons of pressure from their coaching staff and team parents.

For coaches coaching during "big moments" that might arise, I think a strategy that will help lower your player's anxiety is rather than focus on the gravity of the moment, remind them how much FUN it is to get to play in "big" moments in "big" games.

A quick example: last week in my son's Intermediate game, we needed to make a pitching change and we decided to put him on the mound. It was the 5th inning, the score was close, the bases were loaded and there were no outs. Maddux, to this point in his athletic career has not shown any signs of being nervous or feeling pressure in games, and I believe this is mostly a result of how my wife and I have always approached sports with him since he was a 3-year old in tee ball...our mantra hasn't changed: play hard and have fun (and then be a good sport after the game).

But even though Marissa and I are super chill sports parents, he's still going to have some normal emotions based on the situation during a game, and while I'm not sure if he was nervous coming into to pitch in that spot, here's all I told him when I handed him the ball before his warm-up pitches:

I said, "How cool is this?!? It's a perfect evening. You're on a beautiful baseball field, AND you get to pitch with the bases loaded in a close game! This is so awesome. Have fun!"

I didn't say, "Bases loaded, buddy. We really need you to get us out of this."

I didn't say, "Ok, we're up by 3. If you get us out of this jam, we win."

And I didn't say, "Huge spot here. If we win this game we move up in the standings."

Any of those speeches would have likely made him more nervous and feel more pressure. Nervous players don't perform well. Instead, I focused on the FUN part of the situation. Getting to pitch in a big inning should be FUN! For the batter, getting to hit in that situation should be FUN! So if we as coaches and parents emphasize how much fun a big situation is, rather than focus more on the fact that it is a big situation with grave consequences to the season, our players will relax and play better.

Nobody plays to the best of their abilities when they're nervous!

Of course, I had no idea if Maddux was going to get us out of the jam or not, but I did know with absolute 100000% certainty that he would have a much better chance of throwing strikes and being successful in that spot if he was relaxed and having fun than if he was nervous and scared. With my words, actions, or attitude, if I put MORE pressure on him than he probably already naturally felt, the chance of him being successful would drop dramatically.

All we want as parents is to try to set our kids up for success (in school, in sports, and in life). By lowering our own temperatures during the playoffs and doing what we can to help them feel relaxed, we are doing just that; giving them the best opportunity for success. But if we allow our intensity to get the best of us, and we put our own nervous energy on our players, then we're really making it much harder for them to perform to the best of their abilities, while most likely also making the experience stressful for them rather than FUN.

Last story for this blog; Maddux played in an AYSO tournament over the weekend and his team made the championship game. Here's a picture of how I watched that super important, life-changing, U9 game where the winning players all got offered college scholarships and the losing players had to quit soccer forever :-)

Look how nervous I am! Look how much pressure I'm putting on our team! Look at the intensity and expectations oozing from the sidelines!

Our kids were prepared and they were fired up to play hard to try to win. I was just parent on the sidelines; they didn't need me to do anything for them except sit back, relax, and enjoy watching them play.

Meanwhile, in the game right before ours, one of the teams got so bent out of shape by a 50/50 non-call that the coached proceeded to pull her girls off the field before the final whistle blew, a handful of parents chased the refs off the field arguing, and the rest of the parents actively taunted the other team for celebrating their win. This is the first soccer tournament Maddux played in and I was so disappointed (but sadly not surprised) to see such embarrassing behavior that not only was textbook poor sportsmanship, but also completely overshadowed their team's accomplishment of making the finals and then taking the championship game into overtime.

Rather than graciously accepting defeat and celebrating a great effort all weekend long and a strong 2nd place finish, those parents taught their players to 1) literally quit when things don't go their way, 2) verbally assault the refs over calls they don't like, and 3) show zero class by taunting the other team after the game was over. It was an absolute masterclass in pathetic adult behavior and there's only one word to describe those parents: LOSERS. I truly feel bad for the kids on that team.

And sadly, I know that same type of parent behavior was happening at youth sporting events all over the country yesterday. And will happy again next weekend, and then the weekend after that too...

It's on ALL OF US to make sure that the playing environment WE create for our kids allows them to have as much fun as possible while teaching them the right way to play sports. It's not always easy to keep our emotions in check, especially when it comes to our kids, but we're the adults and it's our responsibility to model good behavior for our children.

WE CAN DO IT!

Good Luck the rest of the season!