I took my family to Spring Training in Arizona over the weekend - it was the first time I had been to Spring Training as a fan! The last time I was at a Spring Training, I was player...many years ago...and it was really cool to see all the action from the other side of the fence.

We had an absolute blast! My kids got tons of autographs and balls, my daughter scored the dugout line-up card from the Cubs/Rockies game we saw, and I got to reconnect with 2 former Summer Camp players (who are also siblings) who are both currently in the Minor Leagues. Every minute of the weekend was memorable and I'm thinking it will become a yearly trip for us. I've posted some photos below and would highly recommend making the trip to Arizona sometime if you're able!

I knew we would have a great time, and we did. What I didn't know was how I was going to feel being back a Spring Training for the first time in 19 years. Well, let me tell you, I had some FEELINGS.

First, seeing all the Minor Leaguers in action living out their childhood dreams on the back fields of massive Spring Training complexes made me feel incredibly grateful that I was lucky enough to have lived that myself. After I graduated from college, there was no guarantee I was going to get the opportunity to play professionally. In fact, I knew that if I got drafted it would be in the later rounds, and as sat listening live to the MLB teams call names for the better part of 2 days, I become increasingly resigned to the very likely scenario that I wasn't going to get picked.

Round 20. Nothing. Round 30. Nothing. Round 40. Still nothing. And then finally in the 42nd round, I heard them call my name; here's a picture of my childhood dream coming true. Pretty cool of my Mom to capture that moment, huh?

As I walked around Spring Training over the weekend, I also felt an enormous sense of pride. I was athletically very gifted since I was a kid, but lacked natural physical gifts like size and strength. Everyone one my teammates in the Minors was bigger and stronger than I was and getting up close to so many professional players for the first time in decades...I was still smaller than everyone! So, not to toot my own horn, but to make it to the pro ranks as an undersized player from the Ivy League who only began pitching as a Junior in college was a testament to how hard I worked to get there. To this day, I'm really proud of that accomplishment and being back at Spring Training was a nice reminder of how much I sacrificed to get there.

The one feeling I did not expect, and that caught me totally off guard, was regret. I worked really hard in pro ball and loved all of it (even the long bus rides, horrible motels, and $2/hr pay). And I loved practicing at Spring Training, but seeing it in person after all these years, I don't think I enjoyed practicing.

I don't know if that makes sense but seeing the Minor Leaguers fielding groundballs, throwing off the big bullpen mounds, playing in intersquad games, and taking BP, I couldn't shake the feeling that while I loved doing that myself at Spring Training, I don't think I had the perspective to really enjoy it.

Maybe it was because I was a 42nd round pick, but I always felt like my job was constantly on the line and that every minute of every day at Spring Training was basically a tryout for me...I was fighting to survive. And I think, in hindsight, that made it impossible for me to find the pure joy of playing during Spring Training.

Maybe if I knew for sure that I was going to make a team out of camp, I would have been able to mentally take a step back and have enough perspective to realize what a gift it was to get to wake up everyday and go play baseball on perfect fields with some of the best players and coaches on planet earth. But being back there over the weekend, I realized that it's possible to love doing something while still not be able to feel the joy in it.

So while I truly loved practicing and playing on the back fields, I wish I could go back and have enjoyed it more.

I don't feel like I'm doing a great job of describing how I felt over of the weekend; it was incredible to give my kids a glimpse of what their Daddy did when he was a player, and I think Marissa (who was with me every step of the way back then too...driving her car behind the team bus to the next city we were playing, siting in the same seat every night down the 3rd base line in Oneonta, hanging out with us after the games whenever we could scrounge together $15 to split a burger and beer together) had fun going back in time too. I have only ever looked back on my time in pro ball with great fondness which is why it was strange to feel regret.

I guess I'm not surprised to have felt pride and gratitude. But regret about baseball is a feeling that I had never experienced in my life before and it definitely caught me off guard. It wasn't regret that I could have worked harder, or regret that I didn't make the Big Leagues, but regret that for the few weeks at Spring Training, I was working so hard and was so focused on trying to make a team that I forgot to fully enjoy the experience. At that point in my career, baseball was a job, a job I really wanted, and while baseball is a game, I definitely allowed it to feel like a job during Spring Training.

As always, I try to tie these blogs back to Little League so my advice is this; let's not get so focused on winning, or the standings, or the stats, or who made all-stars, or getting to the "next level" that we forget to savor every moment we get to be on the diamond because there's only one absolute certainty in everyone's baseball career; it will end someday.

Parents; let's enjoy every precious moment we get to watch our son play ball...even when he's 0-4 and made 2 errors.

Players; as you get older and the baseball gets more "intense" with your personal goals of making the High School team or trying to get an offer to play in college becoming a greater motivator, remember how much FUN it is just to get to field a ground ball, or play catch, or take BP. Don't let the grind prevent you from enjoying the experience.

Let's never let youth sports become so serious or intense that it starts to feel like a job.

The good news for me, as this weekend made me look back on my own playing days through a completely new and unexpected lens, is that I think Spring Training was the ONLY time in my life that I might have lost sight of the joy of playing. And that's something else I'm proud of.

I would have given anything to put a uniform on and been back out there, just another anonymous Minor Leaguer at Spring Training, fielding ground balls or throwing a bullpen or shagging batting practice, trying to make it to the Show...

Enjoy it all while it lasts.