Last time I wrote a blog about my son and sports it was about a basketball game where he scored zero points and the lessons learned from that, so I think it’s ok to brag about him a little bit in this blog :-)

My son’s Intermediate baseball team played a game right before Spring Break that was just epic.

We went up 4-0 in the 1st inning, but then were losing 10-4 by the end of the 3rd inning.

We mounted an awesome comeback in the 5th inning and heading into the top of the 6th we managed to pull within 1 run, trailing 11-10.  With 2 outs, nobody on, and down to our last at-bat, we hit a triple and then scored on a wild pitch to tie the game at 11 heading to the bottom of the 6th.

After an infield hit to lead-off the inning, the other team’s clean-up hitter hit an absolute bomb to center that scored the runner from 1st giving them a dramatic walk-off win.

The kid who scored and the kid who hit the game-winning double are both players I’ve coached and I was so happy for them; a walk-off win like that is something they’ll remember for a long time!

As far as our team goes, I was incredibly proud of how hard they fought to get back in the game.  Our motto this season is that we “battle every pitch” no matter what the score is and we definitely did that.  I know they were disappointed to lose, but there’s only one winner in every game and our boys (and girl!) played their hearts out, which is all a coach can ask for from his squad. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

What I haven’t told you yet is that my son was pitching in the 6th inning and gave up the game-winning hit.

I’m sure he was disappointed in the moment but poker-faced the entire situation.  No tears, didn’t throw his glove in anger, no outward emotional reaction at all.  He just walked off the mound.

Our team shook hands, hustled to right field for our post-game meeting, cleaned out the dugout, and we got in the car.

If you’ve read my blogs about the “ride home” you know that I never talk about the game we just finished (good or bad!) unless he brings it up, and this game was no different - my mouth was shut.

To be totally honest, I had no idea how he would react.  Of course he’s lost games before but this was the first time he was on the mound in the last inning and gave up the winning hit.

Much to my delight, before I could even turn on the ignition and ask him where he wanted to go for dinner, Maddux buckled his seat belt, and said, “Daddy, that game was sooooo much fun!”

That was probably the proudest I’ve ever been of him with something involving sports.

He’s had some great games in his short athletic life; I’m proud of him then.

He’s had some bad games in his short athletic life but always plays as hard as he can, has fun, and is a good sport; I’m proud of him then.

But even after losing a tough game that I know he really wanted to win, when he gave up the winning hit his first reaction was not disappointment, anger, frustration, or trying to assign blame elsewhere for the loss.  His first reaction was a feeling of joy from getting to PLAY in a hard-fought, back and forth battle.  He wasn’t going to let the RESULT of the game dictate his feelings about the experience and I was so proud of him for that.

In a youth sports world that is more and more focused on celebrating winning “championship rings” in weekly weekend tournaments and with more and more club organizations defining success based solely on rankings and win/loss records, it is more important than ever that we give our kids the opportunity to enjoy the JOURNEY and help them appreciate the joy in playing the game, regardless of what the scoreboard says.

Why is this important?  Lots of reasons!

First, if the only time our players are happy playing sports is after they win, they’ll often walk off the field upset because…wait for it…all teams lose often!

The Dodgers will likely win 100 games this season.  That also means that they’ll lose 60 games this season.  I’m sure that the Dodgers players will have had fun playing, even in games they lost.

Next, ultimately, we have little control over whether we win or lose a game.  We can practice, be prepared, and try our hardest during the game, but we still might not come out on top.  And that’s one of the beautiful parts about healthy and fair competition; we don’t know how it’s going to end and that makes it exciting!

Joy can and should be found in the process and participation of playing, not simply in winning.

As the old saying goes, “winning is more fun than losing” and I agree with that; but that doesn’t mean that there’s NO fun playing in games that we lose, and being able to appreciate the experience no matter what the outcome is a sign of emotionally healthy players, parents, and coaches.

Finally, by tying “success” exclusively to winning, we put unnecessary and unrealistic pressure on our kids which in turn robs them of the fun of playing.  

75% of kids quit sports by the age of 12.  The #1 reason they quit: “It’s not fun anymore.”

What can make a game not fun for kids?  Well, the sport of baseball is the same as it has always been.  The sport of soccer is the same as it has always been.  The sport of basketball is the same it’s always been.  So if the actual playing is still fun for kids, what can make "it not fun anymore?" 

You guessed it - the environment created by adults in the dugout, on the sidelines, and in stands!  

Adults screaming at their players because they want to win so badly makes playing sports no fun.

Adults yelling at officials because they want to win so badly makes playing sports no fun.

Adults punishing kids for making mistakes on the field because they want to win so badly makes playing sports no fun.

Adults putting so much pressure on kids to win makes playing sports no fun.

Kids want to win when they play games; they don’t need adults to put extra emphasis on that. Every kid that’s ever played a game wants to win.  But if the desire to play and win comes from within the team, when that drive comes from the players, those kids are much better equipped to handle losing when it doesn’t also feel like they let down their parents or coaches when they lose.

Winning every youth game does not make a great coach (also, that’s impossible to do).

Having every player on the team want to play again the next season makes a great coach.

Teaching players about hustle and teamwork and attitude and effort makes a great coach.

Respecting the game, umpire, and opponents makes a great coach.

Making sure kids are always having FUN makes a great coach.

Youth sports, in particular, is about the journey; it’s about the experience of playing, and if we’re doing things the right way as parents and coaches, our players will LOVE their time on the field even if when they lose.

These are messages that my wife and I (as full-time coaches for decades) have been instilling in our kids since they first signed up for tee ball, and to hear Maddux, now in Intermediates, give up a walk-off hit to lose the game, and then have his first reaction be, "That was FUN!” lets us know, as parents, that we’re setting him up as best we can to have a healthy relationship with sports and to maintain perspective, win or lose, about why he’s playing sports.  And ultimately, that healthy perspective we're helping him develop will make him a better player and give him a greater chance at long-term success in whichever sports he continues to choose to play as he gets older.

No matter how long your child plays sports, he will lose games every single season.  That’s a guarantee.  

Whether or not he continues to have fun playing sports is not guaranteed and takes effort from parents and coaches to create positive and healthy environments that celebrate the process more than the results.

We can do it!